It’s a choice

Presented by Denise Baumann MCLC

Opening:   A few months ago I heard Andy Stanley teach a marriage series entitled What Happy Couples Know. It has really helped me to coach couples differently using these tools. I pray you have the same success in your marriage or relationship.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patience and Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not or boast, it is not proud, it not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.

When you love (with the help of the Holy Spirit) you are…

• Patient – the ability to remain calm when dealing with a difficult or annoying situation, task, or person.
• Kind–wanting or liking to do good and to bring happiness to others: considerate a kind woman 2: showing or growing out of gentleness or goodness of heart a kind act
• It does not envy– painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage or is not jealous- 1: feeling anger because of the belief that a loved one might be unfaithful a jealous husband 2: feeling mean anger toward someone because he or she is more successful
• Is not proud–having great self-respect or dignity He is too proud to beg or does not brag-
  The definition of bragging is boasting or talking about how great things are for you. 
• It is not self-seeking – the act or practice of selfishly advancing one’s own ends. the act or practice of selfishly advancing one’s own ends…or act unbecoming-not according with the standards appropriate to one’s position or condition of life. 
• It is not easily angered -a strong feeling of being upset or annoyed because of something wrong or bad-or provoked-to cause the occurrence of (a feeling or action) : to make (something) happen : to cause (a person or animal) to become angry, violent, etc.
• It keeps no record of wrong – an injurious, unfair, or unjust act : action or conduct inflicting harm without due provocation or just cause or does not keep score-– to officially record the number of points, goals, runs, etc., that each player or team gets in a game or contest —sometimes used figuratively.
• Does not rejoice in “evil”-: something that brings sorrow, trouble, or destruction the evils of poverty
  • Does not try to catch the other person doing something wrong
• but rejoices in the truth–  the body of real things, events, and facts
  • Choices a generous explanation when thing don’t turn out as you excepted
• It always …
  • Protects – to keep (someone or something) from being harmed, lost or bears all things
  • Trusts-, assurance, confidence imply a feeling of security.– all things-
  • Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large – all things
  • Perseveres – intransitive verb: to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of counter influences, opposition, or discouragement – or endures all things
  • Love – an intense feeling of deep affection, a great interest, and pleasure in something, a person or thing that one loves – never fails

We find that in the middle of the verse is a phrase that needs explanation. Love is all these great things and then we read “does not rejoice in the evil but rejoices in the truth.”

Here is where there can be a gap in your marriage may exist.

Expectations Gap Experience

You can choose to…

Assume the Worst

Or

Believe the Best

Marcus Buckingham, in his book One Thing You Need to Know, sites a study on 20 couples that said they were happy in their marriage. The assumption in the study was, when a problem would arise, the couple would adjust their expectations down for their spouse to keep the peace.

However, the study showed the exact opposite.

When a happy couple would experience a problem in their marriage, they would choose to have positive regard with the spouse; it had an upward spiral of love and trust. That led to more intimacy, which leads to more love and trust.

The three obstacles that made it hard to trust were…

1. What we experience in life.  
2. Who we are and what we bring to the table from our past.
3. Suspicion and low trust is a self-fulfilling prophecy and sets the stage for failure. When your spouse knows you are suspicious, it keeps your spouse always off balance. It does not take much life for them to fail, because you are looking for failure in your spouse. Which causes you to trust less and before you know it you are calling for help.

How do you turn this around…

Homework:

Figuring out where the gap is in your marriage, is a good place to start. We all have at least one area where a gap exists.

Once you have decided where you are going to start. For one week, come up with as generous an explanation as you can for your partner. Choose to trust.

• Acceptance happens
• Trusting your partner happens
• Believe the best in them instead of thinking the worst changes your thinking and you find yourself happier with your partner.